I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
