you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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