Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
