Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
