I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
