Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
