Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
