I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i believe in u and ur pee
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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