So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
