i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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