i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
