Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
