Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
