whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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