my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
