im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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