Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
