We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
did i just pee glitter
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
