Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
