I accidentally had phone sex last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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