I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
