I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
