My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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