Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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