Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
