hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
