I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
