Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
