the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
