Dual....:-)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
