We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
