I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
