i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are a genius and a whore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
