how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
