just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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