Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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