When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
