I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
