you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
