Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
