with your own penis?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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