the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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