whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
