he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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