fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Green mimosas i think yes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
