You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
