Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
