so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
