It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
