I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
