Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't deserve a penis
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
