I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
