you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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