Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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