Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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