now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
