Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
